I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
