It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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