I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
