I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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