I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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