Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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