u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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