So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
