i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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