She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
