If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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