I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
two words...techno handjob
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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