I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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