I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
