We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
