he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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