oh god the rape fog is back!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
