considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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