I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
