i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
