There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
