one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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