I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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