I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
