I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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