mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
