idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
