It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
