At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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