I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
