On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
