(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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