I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I faked an abortion last night.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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