that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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