dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
