Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
nutella sex= disaster
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize