We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize