People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am available for nakedness
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
