just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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