I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
