the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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