I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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