So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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