You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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