God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
