Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
