I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
