When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
