Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
