You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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