I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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