There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
