I molested 6 butterflies tonight
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
