the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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