he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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