you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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