Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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