Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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