No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
