how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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