yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
