Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
