Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
