We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize