Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
