I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
try to milk me bitch
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