he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
