oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
